I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
