dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The feeling are messing with the penis
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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