in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
