it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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