i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
