I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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