I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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