I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
ttyl tear gas
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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