I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
