I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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