I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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