Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Non-Jews are for practice
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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