Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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