Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
