where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
