does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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