Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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