if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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