I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
