So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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