Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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