At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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