also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
