You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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