Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
