i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
