I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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