Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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