I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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