dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
