So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
