dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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