my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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