I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
