Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i dont even know how to be here
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
