if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
