Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
