Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
