I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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