ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
