im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
