Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
