So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize