Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
