OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
