Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
