i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
