Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
