Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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