Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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