I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
