I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
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