The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Couch. On fire.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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