and i looked up. we had an audience...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
