So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
