I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
