fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
