I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
