just come out here and I will go home with you...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
