I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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