I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
