she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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