come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize