I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
