dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
