it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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