Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize