apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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