just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
